My Sinister Awkwardness Disproved .

"Right-handed people live, on average, 9 years longer than left-handed people."

I was reading the Sunday Paper and a supplement titled 'Amazing Medical Facts ' came along with it. It contained your usual facts you would see on any biology textbook
'Our blood is on a 60,000 mile journey ' and so on..
And reading on I found this.
Right-handed people live, on average, 9 years longer than left-handed people.
Being left handed (Read I'm Left Handed) I felt pretty strongly , you would if you where being told that you are going to 'on average' die 9 years earlier just because of your 'hand' preference. I thought they were bull-shitting me or something so I decided to do a little research. Then things got allot more freaky.
I found this medical paper called
Creation of the Sinister: Biological Contributions to Left-handedness
Which went on to say just because of my lateral preference of the brain is the right, I suffer from a genetical disorder called Geschwind-Behan-Galaburda (GBG) Theory of Left-Handedness
, here�s a excerpt from this paper by Monica Watkins
The GBG Theory holds that genetics is a minor factor in the determination of left-handedness. Influences outside a strict genetic program exert the most control over determination. Studies have shown that injury to the developing brain at specific developmental stages can cause significant changes. It is possible that variations in the chemical environment of the fetus may cause such changes, and lead to a certain cerebral dominance. These chemical variations also influence the development of the immune system. Later in life, the effects of these chemical influences may manifest themselves as immune disorders and abnormal brain structures.

According to the GBG Theory, the chemical variation and its effects account for the following: why left-handedness is more common in men (Oldfield, 1971), why language disorders are more prevalent in men (Heceaen, 1984), why left-handedness is linked with developmental disorders of childhood (Porac and Coren, 1981), and why immune disorders and other diseases are more common in left-handers (Geschwind and Behan, 1982, 1984). In other words, left-handedness is the common thread among problems thought to be unrelated.

After which feeling deprived of the 9 years(50% of my life) I decided to call up my mother and say good-bye.
& Tell her -

Me -Ma I have just been self-diagnosed for a strange genetic disorder that weakens my immune system and I'm going to die 9 years before my right handed counterparts ,life expectancy in India is 61 , therefore doing some quick math I going to die at 51 , may be if I move to Japan where life expectancy is 80.

Ma - (Sounding concerned) Really , Akshay Where did you read this ?

Me - There nothing anybody can do I'm doomed to die young .Can you call the Make A Wish Foundation ,I always wanted a Red Ferrari ,second-hand will do.

Ma - "Don't you have anything to do but to pull your poor mothers' leg long distance. I'm putting down the phone now".

You know what people say about death , once you've accepted that you're going die this strange feeling of happiness overpowers. My friend Sid (a.k.a dabba) wakes up each morning thinking "I'm going to die today" and each day he is disproved (thank god for that he drives me to college).Anyway coming back to my sinister awkwardness. This 'sinister awkwardness' was disproved as easily as it was proved by an article run by the
Associated Press (A/P) titled Study finds left-handers don't die earlier

Here�s a short excerpt ---
LONDON -- Left-handed people don't necessarily die any younger than right-handers, according to new research that disputes the findings suggested by some studies.

In a nine-year study, Dr. Simon Ellis and his colleagues at Keele University in England examined the link between left-handedness and the risk of dying earlier using 6,049 people ranging in age from 15 to 70.

"Handedness did not make a significant contribution to the outcome of death," concluded the study, published Friday in this week's issue of The Lancet, a British medical journal.

The question of whether lefties die younger is controversial. Several studies have suggested a connection, but others have shown no link

Hurray for the English I say.
Thus with my 9 years reinstated I felt like a man saved from the a claws of death a person you was moving into the light but who had been brought back into the realms of the living.

Therefore this Sunday I lost 9 years of my life in a quarter of an hour and got them back in 5 minutes. Strange

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Sid said...

Ey now the driking was a one (ok two) time thing only. lol glad to haev you back, sir. And the wholoe theory behind it is that by accepting that I'll die everytime I wake up i have tye best frikin day of my life, everyday.

Akshay said...

Thats great sid, all I get everyday when I wake up ...
is nothing ,simply nothing I'm not capable of anything else..

Hugh said...

Have you attempted to become ambedextrous? I'm right-handed but have managed to train my left to use the mouse.

Akshay said...

I'm sort of that , I do things with my right except for writing ,eating , typing and so on..
I bat(cricket) right-handed.I actually can write with my right hand but my hand-writting is pretty bad and don't get the same efficiency therefore using my left is more ergonomical.