What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
- Johnny Cash
I have feeling guilty. What have I done to change? Change a word used often yet not often understood. Today I woke up and asked myself
Akshay What have you done?
The silence was my answer.
1 a : to make different in some particular : ALTER
b : to make radically different : TRANSFORM c : to give a different position, course, or direction to
2 a : to replace with another
b : to make a shift from one to another : SWITCH c : to exchange for an equivalent sum or comparable item d : to undergo a modification of e : to put fresh clothes or covering on
I want to change that . I want to change that Now !! as a matter of fact. It hurts me , a hole . Something is missing . I feel so incomplete. Questions Questions Questions.
What have I become ? ?
I can't fathom my existence and it makes me cringe . What am I supposed to become. Am I supposed to become a software engineer. Deep Down Inside no matter what I tell other wise I know that is not true.
What do you want to become Akshay ? ?
I don't know actually. I know that sounds clique but that is the truth. If I was blessed with clarity of thought I wouldn't be here I guess. I know it is pointless say that I really don't want to do something and give no other alternative. More then Pointless it is counter productive.
All I know is that I want to be a catalyst for change.
Catalyst for Change .... HA !
Sounds like something born of a Statement of Purpose.
I'll tell you something when I was in school I read this poem in Hindi..It was called Ye duniya Nushwar Hai .
Which basically means this everything has an end.
May be the same is the case with my present state of mind.
Beneath the stains of time this feeling will disappear.
Stairway to nowhere ?