Ye duniya Nushwar Hai

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

- Johnny Cash

I have feeling guilty. What have I done to change? Change a word used often yet not often understood. Today I woke up and asked myself
Akshay What have you done?
The silence was my answer.

1 a : to make different in some particular : ALTER b : to make radically different : TRANSFORM c : to give a different position, course, or direction to
2 a : to replace with another b : to make a shift from one to another : SWITCH c : to exchange for an equivalent sum or comparable item d : to undergo a modification of e : to put fresh clothes or covering on

I want to change that . I want to change that Now !! as a matter of fact. It hurts me , a hole . Something is missing . I feel so incomplete. Questions Questions Questions.

What have I become ? ?
I can't fathom my existence and it makes me cringe . What am I supposed to become. Am I supposed to become a software engineer. Deep Down Inside no matter what I tell other wise I know that is not true.

What do you want to become Akshay ? ?
I don't know actually. I know that sounds clique but that is the truth. If I was blessed with clarity of thought I wouldn't be here I guess. I know it is pointless say that I really don't want to do something and give no other alternative. More then Pointless it is counter productive.
All I know is that I want to be a catalyst for change.

Catalyst for Change .... HA !
Sounds like something born of a Statement of Purpose.
I'll tell you something when I was in school I read this poem in Hindi..It was called Ye duniya Nushwar Hai .
Which basically means this everything has an end.
May be the same is the case with my present state of mind.

Beneath the stains of time this feeling will disappear.

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